I dreamt I was having a spa day -- with shopping (yes, Ladies! it was the ultimate dream). I wandered into this women’s shop. She offered all of these exotic treatments (mandarin orange toe peel? Slick sorbet sauna?), but she also sold entire wardrobes and makeovers. I did the whole shebang. Body wrap, facial, makeover and new wardrobe. I looked strange and different – beautiful in an exotic, science fiction story way. It was wonderful.
I told Dave about the dream, he said, “My nightmares are a bit scarier than that!”
I replied, “The nightmare came when I got the bill. It was thousands of dollars. All I could think of was, where am I going to get the money to pay for all this now that I am retired?”
Something about the look on Dave’s face told me that he is no longer worried about me spending too much of his hard-earned money….
Maybe Zsa Zsa hung on for me. Maybe that’s why she can still be here with me purring and murmur-meowing like she always used to do, which makes me think she is still OK, still enjoying life. Something has been dislodged in my mind and I feel better about the whole thing: losing Z, knowing if she is suffering or not, making the decision to let her go or not. It is because I realized that I can spend all of this time with her right now. It is a gift to her, my retiring at this time. I can be with her when she needs me.
Maybe that is what she was waiting for: to be able to say goodbye to me in her way, when she had my attention. Now is the time. This is such an important moment. Two souls have become one momentarily on their separate journeys. If she hadn’t waited for me, her suffering might have been less. But then I wouldn’t have developed this sense of how rich her presence is in my life.